In comments a regular commenter remarked:
People succeed on their own, with (IMHO) three attributes: 1) connections, 2) perseverance and 3) a combination of purely intellectual smarts and (intuitive) street smarts. In my own experience (read: me, and so many others I have known. Don’t underestimate that amorphous thing called intuition. Its a highly underrated aspect of intelligence. Perhaps decisive. )
Any connections I might have had died with my dad. As I’ve mentioned before my father died young and unexpectedly. His connections had died when first his father and then his grandfather died when he was just a kid. As sole heir he was able to pay for college and law school, pay his own and his mother’s living expenses through the Depression, and, finally, spend a year in Europe after graduating from college and law school.
Other than show business my mom had no connections. Barely even a family.
I rejected my only connection through my dad shortly after he died. A wealthy woman, a client of my father’s, offered to pay my way through college and law school on the condition that, having graduated from law school, I become her lawyer. I was present when she made that very generous offer to my mom. It was politely rejected.
Perseverance I have. I put myself through college and grad school on the basis of scholarships, loans, and working full time. Smarts I have of both kinds. I gained my “street smarts” literally on the streets. The neighborhood I grew up in was one in which fighting was the regular, expected pastime after school. The challenge my parents faced was in stopping me from fighting. There was a bar and a brothel on the corner a half block from our house and the lady next door ran numbers. A young man down the block sold drugs out of his garage. For me that was just our neighborhood. My siblings were lucky to have little memory of that neighborhood—they grew up in a much nicer place.
I wouldn’t characterize myself as successful. I think I just muddle along. Perhaps if I’d cared more about material success I would have had more of it.
For what it’s worth, I think you are successful. Forget material success; it’s just one aspect. You have had influence on people. Not to be underestimated.
Blessed with a certain wiring, you also had experiences, personality traits and a moral compass that enabled you to navigate some rough waters.
On my comment, I rest my case.
I am a voice crying out in the wilderness.
Ironically or maybe purposefully my confirmation name is Jean Baptiste.
Connections, at least in the family sense, are largely for the well off. Never had those. What has been important, if we are talking about personal experience though I think it generalizable, is relationships. That doesnt mean just working well with others it also means knowing when to set limits and whom to avoid. Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas kind of thing. Still, common decency goes along way. Some of the best people I have hired and one of the best programs I started were largely the result of going out of my way to help someone I didnt really have to help. Still, if you broaden this out to just the general idea of family influence it’s clear that its a huge advantage to have family that can and will support you.
Absolute yes on hard work and perseverance. I almost always had 2 jobs and/or worked over 60 hours a week. Never turned off phone on vacation. Only one divorce so guess it was OK. As a boss you notice the hard workers and as a good boss you reward that.
Yes on intellectual smarts. I guess yes on street smarts but I wouldn’t limit it to that. I think emotional intelligence is a real thing. Some people are just better at understanding others better and using that to succeed. I would also add vision/innovation. You dont have to have that to be successful but the really good ones have it. No idea how to teach it and not sure if you can. Best you can do is support an environment that will encourage it and avoid clamping down on it.
Steve
I always advise, get out there.
Take any job and excel at it, meet people.
People open doors you don’t know are there. Make friends by being yourself.
And I would suggest to be frugal. It’s tough to be involved or take advantage of opportunities when you’re broke.
Remember to enjoy life, win , lose, it will end.