I recommend you read Caroline D’Agati’s remarks about suicide at The Federalist. Here’s a sample:
In one sense, I agree with Kate and Tony: they were right to be broken-hearted. This is a broken world that neither they nor you nor I will ever be able to set right. Gunmen will continue to kill. Terrorists will bomb. Disease and poverty will ravage. And in 150 years, mourners, victims, saviors, and perpetrators alike will be equally forgotten. The abyss of time makes no distinctions between the hero and the villain.
As Kate, Anthony, Robin, and so many other entertainers show, even giving joy to others, in the end, is not enough. So in the end, why bother? How can we not be defeated when we set our eyes on the brokenness of this world?
You may disagree with her answer but her statement of the question deserves consideration.
I think our society has gone seriously astray. Somehow, somewhere the belief that life can be lived without pain has crept in. It explains both a rising suicide rate and the increasing use of narcotics. In that belief we are abetted by advertisers, pharmaceutical manufacturers, and caregivers, variously well-intentioned. Life without pain is not possible; it isn’t even desirable.
When you couple that belief with the loss of a belief in an afterlife, suicide is not only not a sign of mental illness. It is a sign of sanity. It is the ultimate numbness.
Scholars of happiness have learned something. Monotonous, repetitive, even unpleasant activities can become sources of joy when approached as games. The best and happiest workers approach their work as a game whether making the most money, building the most successful companies, creating the straightest rows, stacking the most boxes, or find the most flaws in the widgets you’re inspecting. It is the game that creates joy, not something intrinsic to the activity but part of your internal landscape.
That’s akin to what the samurai believed. They believed that all of life is a game. Suicide is forfeiting.
There’s a great line in the movie A Matter of Life and Death. Peter, an English pilot over the Channel, is plunging to his death, his aircraft completely disabled by enemy fire. To the radio operator whom he’s never met he proclaims “I love you, June. You’re life and I’m leaving you.”
Life can either be approached with love and joy or not, as you choose. When you commit suicide, you forfeit the game, leaving the rest of us players behind.
The argument that the author at The Federalist fails to note, or largely seems to dismiss, is the fact that suicide is often rooted in depression and that even people who are seemingly at the peak of their careers can feel as though they are falling into a bottomless pit thanks to what is an actual, diagnosed and to some extent treatable, mental illness. This is why people who seem to “have it all” such as Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, and Robin Williams, end up taking their lives. It’s not about just choosing to be happy, it’s not about one’s material wealth or health, it’s about a switch in your brain that tells you no matter how well things seem to be going your life is nothing but utter despair. At it’s worst it leads someone to do the unthinkable and take their lives.
It’s been my experience at least that, notwithstanding the fact that we’re more open about talking about mental illness than we have been in the past, clinical depression is something that people who haven’t lived with it, or who aren’t close to someone who has, just don’t seem to be able to relate to. I understand that one some level because it doesn’t make sense. Why would these people, who seem so happy on the outside, do something like this? The answer lies not in what you see on the outside, but what’s happening inside. That’s why I largely reject the idea that the rise in suicides is due to some cultural flaw. The bigger point though is that for these people, it’s not a matter of choosing to be happy or unhappy, and people who respond to depression in those close to them in that manner aren’t helping the situation at all when they tell the sufferer to just “be happy.” It’s not that easy.
To be sure, this doesn’t mean that everyone who commits suicide is suffering from depression. Sometimes, people are driven by a situation such as a health crisis or a financial crisis to that end.
If there is an explanation for why suicide rates are increasing, I might suggest that it lies in the fact that our lives have become so fragmented. Family ties aren’t want they used to be when family members are hundreds or thousands of miles apart, for example,, and far too many people seem to feel like they’re closer to the “friends” they make online than to family, neighbors, or friends they’ve lost touch with. I’m not sure how to change that.
I have experienced genuine clinical depression once. It was pharmaceutically induced. I think I have some ability to relate. I think it’s more a choice than you do and it’s one you deal with every day of your life.
I have had chronic pain for the last 25 years. Every day, repeat every day I experience pain ranging from 6 to 9. Suicide would be easy. Living is hard. I could also choose to be numb and stumble through life. I chose to be drug-free.
Every time you take that drink, take that hit, or allow yourself to go to that dark cavern of the mind, you’re toying with your own mental health. Don’t just look at the end product, look at the whole process. If you have a propensity towards depression or other mental illness (and Lord knows that I do—alcoholism and suicide run in my family), it takes considerable discipline and most people don’t have it. I think there needs to be much more attention paid to dealing with pain, physical or mental, rather than avoiding it or just numbing yourself to it.
I get what you’re saying, and to some extent, I agree, but if you have chronic depression you can’t just decide to be “happy.” My point is that it’s not a choice for some people (and it’s probable that true chronic depression is overdiagnosed today) and that, for those people, you can’t decide to be “happy” and more than if you’re diagnosed with cancer you can’t decide to be “cancer-free.”
I’m not saying “decide to be happy”. I’m saying avoid things that might make you worse and do things that might make you better. There is no “magic bullet”.
In the cases of Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain, both had used psychoactive drugs. I believe those were choices, not something they were compelled to do. In Ms. Spade’s case she was taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs (frequently the same things) and one of the known side effects of many is, ironically, depression.
Please don’t conclude from this that I’m unsympathetic. That’s not the case. I sympathize but my sympathy isn’t worth a great deal. IMO societally we need a predisposition against drug and alcohol use. Not laws, predispositions, social pressure, tabus if you will. A lot of the abuse is self-medication that actually makes people worse.
Yes I agree that alcohol and drug abuse often plays a role in these situations, and that people suffering from depression often use these as temporary escapes from their daily troubles. However, I still maintain that there are situations where this isn’t the case, and where the battle that chronic (as opposed to situational) depression can be for those who suffering from just becomes unbearable.
Many times, this comes because of a lack of coping mechanism or the lack of a support system in the form of family and close friends (which goes to the point I made in my first comment), and I’m not sure how that can be addressed. As I’ve said, it seems to me that in many cases people don’t really understand what chronic depression is all about, and why telling people to “just be happy” or “you need to get out more” isn’t helpful, and indeed could be detrimental. In that regard, I think what’s needed is more openness and acceptance when it comes to mental illness, less of a stigma when it comes to discussing mental health, and making an effort to be there as best one can for a friend or loved one who is dealing with these problems.
I don’t think that many people choose to abuse. They choose to use and many eventually have no choices left.
The problem is that there’s no way to undo the changes made in the brain and it those changes don’t require abuse to effect.
I don’t think that many people choose to abuse. They choose to use and many eventually have no choices left.
There’s convincing evidence that drug abuse, along with depression and suicide are strongly linked to childhood trauma. ACE scores of 4/10 correlate to a 4 to 12 times increase in likelihood of these outcomes and other mental and physical illnesses, and complementary research suggests physical and sexual abuse of children in American society is widespread. ACE scores from lack of emotional and economic stability in childhood also appear to have significant negative effects throughout a person’s life.
I think you guys are talking past each other.
Doug is right that for the person already suffering from clinical depression, it’s often not possible to choose to emerge from the depressed state of mind. The willpower to make such a choice is malfunctioning, as part of the illness itself.
But that doesn’t mean that Dave’s point about our societal lack of resilience and ability to endure pain aren’t related to high rates of depression. Fixing that isn’t a prescription to cure individual cases of depression, it’s more of an epidemiological approach that might work for prevention.
We don’t know nearly enough about depression or most other mental illnesses, but what is becoming more clear is that most are caused by genetic susceptibilities that are either expressed or not (epigenetics.) the societal factors that Dave mentions could contribute to either the development of depression or the severity and persistence of it. Biochemical factors almost certainly contribute as well, and I’ll put in my plug for supplementation with vitamin D, omega-3 fatty acids, and testing for methylation defects which may indicate a need for methylated B vitamins and/or SAM-e.
I’d also mention that the societal changes that Doug sees, the disintegrating social and familial ties, isn’t really that separate from what Dave describes IMO. People live without social support systems often because they are unable to accept flaws in others (or they’ve been the victim of other people who feel that way.) it’s all part of the same social phenomenon that makes people unwilling to endure hardships.
Gabor Maté gave an excellent presentation here on addiction:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=66cYcSak6nE#
What if Robin Williams was not abused, but born just “not right”?
What if he suffered a miserable childhood and as a young adult, discovered alcohol and cocaine. What if these drugs sustained him for four decades, cascading him into success, and then, as he aged, failed to fill the bill? Can you actually say these drugs did not serve him well? While they could? Dave, if every day is hell, why not have a beer?
Gray,
As Maté states in the above video, it’s not correct to ask what’s wrong with addiction but to ask what’s right. His answer is they’re treating a lack of functional dopamine receptors resulting from trauma.
“There’s convincing evidence that drug abuse, along with depression and suicide are strongly linked to childhood trauma.”
Its a leading cause. I’ll skip the details, but I was subjected to years of childhood trauma. I actually went through a nationally recognized trauma program where I met many others subjected to same. You learn about the real evil in the world.
The problem is that children’s brains are not fully developed and are unable to process what is occurring, in addition to the fact that so much of the abuse is rendered by parents, the very people relatively helpless children are conditioned to trust. This can have devastating effects.
Simplistically, much current treatment involves “reprogramming” long since repressed defensive (sometimes survival) behavior patterns. Its a crude description, but “growing up again,” this time with the perspective of an adult brain. Plus a lot of other stuff.
Some make it. Unfortunately, many don’t.
I think our society has gone seriously astray.
This is why there’s a flourishing Modern Stoic movement. In our modern world we aren’t taught to differentiate between what we can control and what we cannot. We aren’t taught that much of our emotional turmoil results from our own judgement of an event or situation, and we aren’t taught that life can be lived by the four cardinal virtues which are remarkably useful for making decisions. Nor are we taught that life does have a purpose.
In fact we’re taught to be slaves to every negative passion we experience.
Ben, 4 virtues what are they?
The cardinal virtues: justice, prudence, temperance, and fortitude.
Prudence disposes us in all circumstances to form right judgments about what we must do or not do. Justice disposes us to give everyone what belongs to him. Fortitude disposes us to do what is good in spite of any difficulty. Temperance disposes us to control our desires and to use rightly the things which please ourselves.
Unless you have been in the depths of depression, you cannot imagine the hell it is. It is not just being unhappy. When your dog dies or your house burns down, you are unhappy. When you are in bed for days and the only reason to get out would be to kill yourself, you are depressed.
The way I describe it is being in the middle of the ocean trying not to drown. At some point, it is easier to stop fighting and to just let the inevitable occur. It is difficult to understand, but it is not an overt act. (I am specifically addressing chronic and bi-polar depression.)
Medications can be a life preserver. While tomorrow may not be any better, it will not be any worse, and if needed, you can rest. @Gray Shambler is correct. Using illegal drugs and alcohol is called ‘self-medicating’ because it is.
In my opinion, a general practitioner prescribing mental health drugs is also a problem. These are powerful drugs that change the chemical composition of the brain and how it functions. They do not make you happier, but they change how you perceive the world.
There seems to be considerable interest in the subject. I found Mate’s brief talk interesting and worth a couple views. His views on the motivations and multiple forms of addiction should be heeded. And his definition is spot on. (Yes, excesses in social media and shopping are addictions).
I would note, however (and from personal trauma experience, and in trying to understand/help a lifelong addicted mother and an addicted brother I have done more reading, and conversing with mental health professionals, than anyone should) that he comes from a wing of addiction philosophy very oriented towards brain chemistry. There is another wing more focused on a non-chemical behavior model. Since this blog isn’t titled Psychology Today I’ll stop there. But the interested reader can investigate.
The common thread I’ve seen among those I know who committed suicide is isolation combined with some past trauma. And by isolation, I don’t mean sitting at home alone. Indeed, one of these individuals went to work every day and interacted with friends and coworkers (including me) but he was obviously not quite himself. It was only apparent later that he had a “shadow” life of isolation, internalized his trauma, and kept up appearances as best he could in public.
I don’t have any answers, but after he killed himself I tend to look for hidden “cries for help” in people going through difficult times, or who aren’t quite acting like themselves.
Unless you zombify a person, drugs (medical or not) are not a panacea. With the right combination and dosages, they provide a way for the brain to process information differently. You still need to make lifestyle changes.
I liken it to diabetes. In some cases, a change in diet will not fix the problem, but it will become manageable. In other cases, drugs are needed, but it still requires a diet change. It is no different with mental health.
Many people believe that diabetic or mental health drugs allows a person to engage in bad behavior with no consequences. It ain’t so.