Today I bid a not particularly fond farewell to 2013. It has been the worst year of my working life since I got out of grad school.
Not only was my real income lower than it has been since then but, worse from my point of view, I was bored. I just didn’t have enough to do.
To some degree it has been circumstances. However, to some degree it’s my own darned fault. I miscalculated.
I recognized that my workload would slow down at some point but I’d been counting on that happening in about five years. At that point I might have been more willing simply to allow my client base to diminish little by little every year. I’m not ready for that now.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I’m going to look at the bright side and count my many blessings. Chiefest among those is my dear wife who love and support are unfailing and a constant source of joy.
Another of my blessings is my siblings, their spouses, and my nephews and nieces. All of my nephews and nieces are now launched into life. Some are prospering, some are surviving. When some kids who are in the top ten percent of the population in brains, looks, and probably in the top 1% of the population in hard work aren’t prospering, there’s a real social pathology at work. Being smart, working hard, and having a college degree are clearly no longer enough. What in the world are the ordinary kids or, worse, those who dropped out of high school going to do?
My dogs, too, are a last source of joy. I don’t know if I can describe for you what it’s like to have your own, personal therapy dogs. This is a house full of love.
This year I’ll begin rebuilding. Sadly, I’m not alone. There are millions of other people who are in much more serious straits than I am. That’s a blessing of which I’m always aware.
I’ve given up. There isn’t enough work out there that anyone wants my services anymore, and there won’t ever be enough work out there for me again. The Republicans and the Democrats and their supporters have insured that.
I’m not particularly looking forward to 2014. Most likely I will be dead in a few weeks, either from the neighbors pit bulls killing me, or him killing me after I kill the goddamned dogs. The fucking bastards almost got me Friday. There’s nothing like a pack of crazed pit bulls eating an aluminum bat out of your hand to get to your arm to add to the terror in one’s life, let me tell you. They even tore out a chunck of the bottom of my car. THe best part was that the police didn’t want to respond, so they gave me to animal services. We were given priority since we had dangerous dogs on the loose. That was at 10:49 AM on Friday. As of now, still no helpo from the county.
For those fucking bastards like Drew and Reynolds who keep insisting that it is pretty good to be poor, I w]hope your goddamned children get eaten by pit bulls. Being poor means not being able to choose your living circumstances, particularly where safety is concerned. If I lived somewhere decent the goddamned worthless authorites would actually give a shit about doing their fucking jobs. No such luck in Pine Hills. I’ve just about resolved to let the dogs eat me the next time they’re loose. I’ll have a better chance at surviving than my wife will, and my daughter wouldn’t have any chance at all. Maybe then the fucking assholes that run Orange County would do their fucking.
Yeah, 2014 is going to be so fucking wonderful, and I should just smile and take it like everyone keeps telling me.
Best Christmas ever. Wife’s nodes from her surgery came back negative. Nothing else I really wanted. I am incredibly lucky and have so many blessings it would be difficult to name them all, but my wife and kids come first.
Steve
“For those fucking bastards like Drew and Reynolds who keep insisting that it is pretty good to be poor, I w]hope your goddamned children get eaten by pit bulls.”
Now THAT’s the holiday spirit, ice! All the best to you and yours, too. BTW – I don’t remember the part about insisting its good to be poor. Perhaps that’s just you projecting your defeatist – and self defeating – attitude on others. Shudder that you would take any responsibility for your own situation, and improve the prospects for escaping it.
Mmm, yeah, having been poor well into my 30’s, I’m pretty sure I never said it was fun. In fact, aside from losing a family member, I’d have to say it’s my single greatest fear. I’m like a Depression baby: I’ll never get over it.
But the fact is I do not have a pit bull problem, so that’s good.
Had a bit of a prostate adventure when my numbers went the wrong way and an MRI seemed to show something. But that went away with a clean biopsy. So it looks like I’ll have to die of something else. Can’t wait to find out what! Aneurysm? Pancreatic cancer? Or will I hang on long enough to get Alzheimer’s? Old age is kind of like Christmas morning, only whatever you end up getting, you didn’t really want it.
That aside, it’s been a good year for me and my family. I have a ton of work and I’m actually enjoying some of it. The kids aren’t as messed up as they probably should be. My wife still loves me, I still love her. And I have a convertible, finally, so yeah, no complaining here.
Hang in there, Dave. You’re the smartest guy I know, you’re disciplined and you have long experience playing the game of life, so if you want more work, I imagine you’ll find it.
“I’m like a Depression baby: I’ll never get over it.”
You know, Michael, if you weren’t such a dick, we could be friends and have good discussions. Joke…….Joooooooooooke.
My wife and I talk all the time about our depression era mentality. We live at about 20% – 25% of our financial capacity. But we wonder. So is the daughter going to just disco the 20’s and 30’s away as a trust fund baby? Based upon her character – no. But what to do with it? We give mountains away. My current favorite: Wounded Warriors. Also JDRF. (Niece is Type I)
Hope the prostate thing is OK. Had not my dad died in a car accident prostate cancer was going to take him out. Its not as benign as advertised, especially when presenting in the 50’s.
Steve – Did not know. I’m living a pretty intense – every 6 month evaluation right now – but recall a 5 years ago biopsy of nodes in neck (negative) and the thoughts that go through your head. Intense couple weeks. Best wishes.
Without good health its all bullshit.
Red:
Believe me, I took it seriously. UCSF were hopelessly screwed up – administratively, organizationally, no knock on the doctors. So I flew to Hopkins. That “negative” came from the head of the number 1 urology department in the US.
Yes, Ice, I got the rich man health care. I stayed at the Ritz Carlton while getting it. So sue me.
Thanks Drew. She has breast cancer, but the nodes were negative. Everything has gone as well as it could. She was even a candidate for Intraop radiation so she only needed one treatment instead of six weeks (latest thing). Good luck to both you and Michael.
Having grown up broke, we also live way under our means. If you are looking for new charities, we like Fisher House and The Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation. Wounded Warriors is great, one of ours also, but my own experience being at war is that I mostly wanted to make sure my family was ok if anything bad happened. Most of us felt that way when we talked about it, so I donate to make sure families get taken care of. Not many understand how hard it is on the family, especially the wives, when people deploy.
Happy New Year!
Steve
Overall it’s been a good year for us. I’m still cancer free (melanoma) and I’m working full-time for the first time in about 8 years (Finding a job that pays enough to simply cover child care costs when you’re a military spouse isn’t easy). We’re using the extra income from my employment to finally dig ourselves out of the hit we took from the housing debacle – there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Then we will save like crazy – my wife could be out of the military in 3-4 years and we have one more military move which means that my job is temporary.
More important than anything, though, are that my kids are doing well and are healthy and generally happy. If anything, they probably have it too easy and I plan to ride them a bit harder this year.
We did lose a family member to alcoholism this year – my sister’s husband – which was very difficult. He was a kind, warm and magnanimous man as well as an extraordinarily successful businessman before alcoholism took, literally, everything away.
2014 will be interesting – I already know I’m deploying with my reserve unit for about six months. Mixed feelings about that.
Ice,
I don’t know what it is about people and their Pit Bulls here in Florida. Florida is full of crazy sometimes.
Just in closing, I just want to thank everyone here, especially our gracious host Dave, for this little web community. This site is one of the few islands of sanity on the internet.
Dave,
Sorry to hear work’s drying up. I guess it was inevitable with the economic crisis but you’d think it would have hit four or five years ago rather than this far into the slump.
Everyone’s life seems to carry around both blessings and crucibles. Reading the comments here is evidence of that — no matter what one’s net worth adds up to. While money certainly greases the skids, the important stuff always seems to revolve around relationships, health. attitude, and making a difference in at least one person’s life. If you have meaningful people in your life, reasonably good health, an attitude that allows you to accept the bad and look for the better, and the ability to add something positive to another’s daily existence, then I believe you have navigated your sphere of influence well.
My blessings, like others here, touch on my family. Our son is celebrating almost 9 months of sobriety. This is his third round in attempting to get his life under his control, and hopefully it will be the metaphorical ‘charm.’ He’s intellectually/artistically gifted. It would be another ‘blessing’ to see him avail himself of these gifts, using them to create a life of purpose and meaning for himself.
My husband is having prostate issues, like other men here have discussed. His PSA is elevated. However, he is asymptomatic, including a normal DRE. except showing some gland enlargement. So, this month another PSA will be done, and if necessary an ultrasound and biopsy. As the literature says, though, a high PSA doesn’t always mean cancer, just as a low PSA doesn’t always mean there is no cancer. Nonetheless, we will both be relieved to have this behind us. Such medical concerns, though, do emphasize the human vulnerability that exempts no one — that of our own mortality. Consequently, at least for us, it’s become important to appreciate more what we have and is beneficial — letting go of the rest.
Steve — good news about your wife. It really puts everyday reality into perspective, as far as the hierarchy and prioritization of ‘worries.’
Jan:
Have them re-test PSA to make sure it’s not a one-off. I would honestly avoid UCSF. They’re highly rated, but dealing with them is ridiculous and their MRI procedure is backward as is the biopsy prep. Nice people, just incompetent. I took the actual disc of the UCSF MRI that supposedly showed something to Hopkins. First thing the doctor there said is, “That must have been an unpleasant procedure – our MRI doesn’t require all that.” Followed by, “Yeah, what they thought they saw is actually how it’s supposed to look.” Hopkins is the mother ship.
Michael,
I’m surprised about the less-than-adequate medical treatment you received from UCSF. My “L.A. daughter,” actually my friend’s daughter who I’m tight with, went to medical school and did her residency there. She had good things to say about the hospital. However, when her Mom went there for an acute medical issue, I remember she also experienced confusing/conflicting information.
While we’re spending the holidays in our N. CA home, we’re be going back down to L.A. in 5 days. My husband signed up for medical benefits from the VA, a few years back — just to complement the HC coverage he already had. However, he was so impressed with the WLA’s VA’s physicians and general care, that he has been using them as a primary source of care, including this prostate problem. This will actually be his 3rd PSA test, to rule out a false positive. They seem puzzled by his lack of symptoms and clean digital exam. To their credit, they appear to be proceeding cautiously, so as not to make a hasty judgement call. I wholeheartedly concur, as I’m one of those people who believe in doing non-evasive procedures first, before ordering riskier ones, and/or surgical remedies. My dad had a lobe of a lung unnecessarily removed, because of a surgeon’s misdiagnosis. Consequently, it has made me encourage the path of lesser patient wear-and-tear — probably why I am into eastern medicine/holistic health as much as I am — along with having an RN license.
John Hopkins is indeed a fine hospital. And, you used good judgement in going to that facility. I’m glad, too, that it turned out to be benign condition. You indeed have something to celebrate in 2014!
Glad to hear that everyone seems to be in good health, even though not everyone is well financially.
For my part you fine people are friends, though that may be strange given we’ve never met. I find myself growing concerned when someone disappears for a while; oddly enough, earlier today I was thinking that I hadn’t seen much from Andy in a while and hoping he was OK.
I’m glad Dave has created this forum for interacting with the lot of you, and even more glad he hasn’t thrown me off it (yet). May the new year be good to everyone.
@Icepick
antifreeze fluid
@Icepick
A non-lethal method would be a cattle prod. There are different ratings depending upon how medieval you want to get. They would catch on after a few jolts.
After that, you could use a broomstick to make a fake cattle prod, and they would think it was the real thing thing.
Michael
Its not for now, but if you come to Andersen’s. I have a Hopkins story. A person (a doctor) who should have been able to ask all the right questions and went to Big Bad Rush here in Chicago needed the All-Star team at Hopkins to get it right. Saved her life, probably.
I find it depressing that even a post about blessings contains a lot of pessimism, though I don’t fault Dave for it. I find the same in my personal life, and all around me…there is definitely malaise in the air.
Hubs’ career is going well and he even has options. The downside includes long hours, travel, and inordinate amounts of stress no matter if he stays put or changes course. I too have career options if I choose, although the family needs me at home more for the time being.
The past several years have brought a series of trials revolving around physical and mental health. We’re surviving, and sometimes even thriving, so for those times I am thankful.
@CStanley
It all depends on where you stand. If you continually get kicked in the head and told by your betters that it is for your own good, you might be a little bitter. It is not necessarily my position, but I can relate.
If it were my wife and child being threatened by pair of pit bulls, I would take a hatchet to their asses, but I have mellowed in my old age. Then, there are the owners to contend with, and I suspect they are not pleasant.
Tasty- i completely agree and didn’t intend to cast any judgment on the ways others are coping. My observation about pessimism was actually on Dave’s post, as he seems unable to describe the half full glass without noting the half emptiness of it….which is exactly how I feel these days too. Mainly it’s the anxiety about the future and what it holds for my kids (and nieces and nephews, similar to Dave’s.) I find this creates a lot of stress for me personally as I wonder how to best prepare my kids for a world that looks nothing like the one I’d hope they were inheriting.
But also to your point- I certainly wouldn’t expect someone in icepick’s situation to feel optimistic, although I hope he can find some reason for it in 2014. Despair is a bitch.
@CStanley
Everybody always thinks there time is the worst. The 1920’s were what everybody thinks the 1960’s were, and during the 1930’s communists had infiltrated the government. The US weathered the Great Depression, and we will get through this.
There are generational breaks where the world changes dramatically, and the world before is substantially different from the world after. My wife is 9 years younger than me, but I have more in common with my parents than with her.
Today’s youths have never known a world without cable, cellphones, microwaves, internet, youtube, etc., but as bad as it may seem, there are no bell-bottom jeans or 100% wrinkle-free, snag-resistant polyester leisure suits.
Your children’s world was never going to be like yours. The best you can do to prepare them is to instill in them the classic character virtues and traits, but more importantly, you are not your children’s friend.
I don’t want to get into this “mine’s bigger than your” BS. Everyone has a story. Everyone has had obstacles to overcome. Not everyone handles it the same way.
I’m a glass half full guy. I don’t know how to think any other way. Some let their shoulders slump and declare defeat before the fight even begins.
You want to know what champions are made of? Watch this. I know we don’t have a bunch of golfers here, but this is what some consider the greatest Tournament in the world. This shot could lose the tournament and had zero – effing zero – room for error.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HwNnNszqIM
Today’s youths have never known a world without cable, cellphones, microwaves, internet, youtube, etc., but as bad as it may seem, there are no bell-bottom jeans or 100% wrinkle-free, snag-resistant polyester leisure suits.
Your children’s world was never going to be like yours. The best you can do to prepare them is to instill in them the classic character virtues and traits, but more importantly, you are not your children’s friend.
Sage observations and advice, Tasty.
Drew and Dave,
I’ve been looking at the weather going on in the Chicago area. It looks wickedly cold. Take care of yourselves….
CStanley,
In the worst of times — the last decade having a basket full of them — I have made ‘gratitude’ lists for myself. It’s a technique coming from 12-step programs, where you create a diversion from your grief by instead enumerating what has been ‘good’ for you in a day. I used to jot down otherwise trivial things such as having time for a good cup of coffee in the morning, or finding a parking space right in front of where I was planning on going. It may sound nonsensical or goofy, but you would be surprised how reminders, of these little things that went right, seems to bring a person to a better place in their head — where worries seem to propagate and intensify.
steve
I actually do get it. Uncle career Army and in Viet Nam. Former partner in Viet Nam. His son was literally the so-called “tip of the spear” into Iraq I. And a golfing associate who flew planes and charted enemy positions in Viet Nam. Rumored to be the highest fatality position of the war. And lastly, my grandfather was a medic in the Pacific Theatre in WWII. The common thread, and I tried to engage my grandfather many times – they won’t talk about it. That speaks volumes.
jan – thanks. But I, ahem, (staring at ground and shuffling feet) find myself in sunny and 80 degrees Naples, FL. Heh.
Andy
Don’t want to pry. But have a golfing buddy who got to stage 4 melanoma. I will never forget his wife telling us if such and such a treatment didn’t work “we just need to pray.” That was the dire state of affairs.
5 years later we play golf together. Don’t confuse me with a doctor. steve’s a doctor, not me. But if a guy I know found the magic bullet, perhaps, if you need, I could make an inquiry. I’m in the Midwest and if I recall correctly this fellow was working with University of Chicago Medicine. I’m biased, but that’s royalty.
Best
thanks. But I, ahem, (staring at ground and shuffling feet) find myself in sunny and 80 degrees Naples, FL. Heh.
Ah, that’s right. You closed on a home there! Is it going to be your primary residence or a second home? Anyway, may you and yours enjoy the warmth! Also, have a great 2014, Drew.
@Tasty- I appreciate the wisdom. It’s hard though to convey particulars of my concerns without violating privacy. In a general sense, I know that the perspective of the longer view is important.
@Jan- I don’t do lists but I agree that an appreciation of blessings, great and small, is helpful.
There are different ratings depending upon how medieval you want to get.
Very medieval. I’d prefer shoving it up my neighbor’s ass. It would have a salutary effect, I think, even if he is so goddamned stupid that he thinks beating the mothers of his children to pulps IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILDREN is a way of showing his love and concern for all concerned. This is a man who has been stupid enough to assault a police officer, though, so I doubt anything short of a RPG could get through his thick skull. Therefore coming up through the alimentary canal is probably the best way to get to his brain.
The amazing thing is that I have now been a priority ticket with Orange County Animal Services for six days and 14+ hours now, and still have yet to see anyone. They’re very apologetic, though, when I call to ask if they’re going to do anything. I will probably get no further with my county commissioner, either, as he is really Apopka’s commissioner, and I doubt he much cares about Pine Hills. (Who does?) When you’re poor, you have no recourse to anything, especially not security.
But other than that, it is a fucking blast.
Drew,
Thanks for the offer, but fortunately my melanoma was caught early and successfully removed. It’s now a matter of closely monitoring my skin as it’s quite certain more will crop up I’m genetically predisposed and grew up trying to “tan” in the thin Colorado air.