Kass’s Modest Proposal


Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass presents a modest proposal for dealing with Illinois’s fiscal and political problems without bankruptcy, an option that would require an act of Congress (if not amending the Constitution):

Dissolve Illinois. Decommission the state, tear up the charter, whatever the legal mumbo-jumbo, just end the whole dang thing.

We just disappear. With no pain. That’s right. You heard me.

The best thing to do is to break Illinois into pieces right now. Just wipe us off the map. Cut us out of America’s heartland and let neighboring states carve us up and take the best chunks for themselves.

The group that will scream the loudest is the state’s political class, who did this to us, and the big bond creditors, who are whispering talk of bankruptcy and asset forfeiture to save their own skins.

He’s wrong. Those who will “scream the loudest” are the citizens of Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Missouri, and Wisconsin. What have they ever done to him?

The proposal actually makes a certain bizarre sense. Illinois north of the Chicago suburbs and west to the Mississippi has more in common with Wisconsin than it does with the rest of the state, central Illinois has more in common with Iowa, and western and southwestern Illinois more in common with Missouri. And heaven knows the area around Cairo and along the Ohio River has more in common with Kentucky than it does the rest of Illinois.

Sadly, such a move would require Congressional action, too, and if there’s one thing that’s lacking right about now it’s Congressional action.

I also think he’s pragmatically wrong. If Wisconsin were to become the repository for Chicago and Cook County it would inherit all of the problems that Illinois has. Illinois’s basic problem is Chicago’s pathological and corrupt politics and Chicago and Cook County are large enough so as to dominate the politics of any state of which they’re a part.

9 comments… add one
  • It has been pointed out to me that divvying up Illinois would stimulate the economy. All of those flags with 50 stars would need to be replaced with 49 star flags (a delightful instance of the broken window fallacy).

    Business opportunity: start a flag manufacturing company. Sadly, this, too, would stimulate China’s economy not ours. Nearly all American flags are made in China these days which should tell you something.

  • CuriousOnlooker Link

    I am pretty sure partitioning and joining states requires only approval from congress and the states involved, not constitutional amendment. See Maine and West Virginia.

    Along those lines, why not dissolve the present state government and revert to a territory? The Federal government would have no choice but to accept… and then once they Feds have taken over the debt, petition to become a state again. LOL

  • You say that laughingly but I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see people proposing it seriously depending on what the federal government does about Puerto Rico.

  • PD Shaw Link

    It’s off to Missouri I go then. I hope they don’t already have a Springfield.

  • My mother was born in Springfield, Missouri. it’s in the southwest corner of the state.

    Fun fact: 35 states have Springfields.

  • PD Shaw Link

    Right, Spfld, MO, is home to Bass Pro Shops; it will have to change its name to Bass Place, MO. Friends recently told us that when they lived there, every time they had visitors they had to go the museum, aquarium, shopping complex.

  • mike shupp Link

    Nah, just split the state into two. Plenty of precedent for that — Maine was part of Massachusetts until 1820, West Virginia was simply the western part of Virginia (duh!) until 1864 or so. Take Chicago and its liberal-voting suburbs and make them one state; take all the rest and make them another. Net result politically would be a wash — no especial change in the House of Representatives, two solid Democrats and two solid Republicans in the Senate vs the sort of one-and-one numbers we see today.

    The complication: Metropolitan Chicago counts for about 3/4 of the state’s current population and more of its revenue. “Republican Illinois” would be pretty damn punk politically, with about 6 electoral votes in Presidential elections. “Democratic Illinois” would have 14 electoral votes or more and get a lot of respect. My suspicion is Republicans would not like such an outcome.

    My conclusion: Republicans much much much prefer Illinois as it presently is — an economic powerhouse with potential strength in Presidential elections — to a certainty of negligible political and economic strength.

    You don’t like your state government as it is? Republicans do.

    Also, Democrats really like your current state government as it is.

    You think you’re poorly governed? Dudes with college degrees set this system up and monitor it daily. Millionaires pay attention to the details — a whole bunch more than welfare moms and hick farmers do. The brightest people in all the world have gathered around to suck the social surplus out of Illinois! (Most of ’em anyhow, there’s a bunch playing the same game in Massachusetts, and probably down in Texas, and it wouldn’t surprise me a whole lot to find similar folk here in California.)

    Generalizing wildly, Americans aren’t getting very good government these days. Nothing much wrong with civil service, but the sort of people who get elected jobs tend to be extremely stupid or charismatic crooks. I dunno what the cure for this is; maybe we should run tests on babies just after birth and have obstetricians shut the air supply off for kids that look especially appealing.

  • PD Shaw Link

    @mike shupp, if you are going to draw a line with Chicago and liberal-voting suburbs on one side, the split is going to be closer to 50/50. I don’t think splitting a MSA makes any sense, so something like 67/33 is more likely, but there is only one group of Republicans that won’t like that: Republicans from the collar counties.

    National Republicans will enjoy picking up 6 or so electoral votes that were previously inaccessible, and at least one House seat released from Democratic gerrymandering.

    Downstate Republicans would be fine governing a state the size of Iowa, as opposed to being back-benchers to the minority party leadership centered in the Chicago suburbs. Do they get respect now?

  • Andy Link

    Anyone remember Escape from New York? Maybe Chicago could be a prison city. The politicians would feel right at home…

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