As I read this article about spanking by Noam Shpancer at Quillette:
Most American parents hit their little children. And most believe that they are doing something both effective and right.
But they are wrong.
The scientific case against spanking is one of those rare occasions in which, over a span of 50 years or so, a scientific controversy actually gets resolved, as various programs of increasingly rigorous research converge upon a consensus conclusion.
True, the issue has not been 100% mapped out. Waiting for social science to map any issue out 100% is like waiting for the perfect spouse. You’ll wait forever, pointlessly. Spanking, like any socio-behavioral phenomenon, is bound to have somewhat differing implications depending on multiple variables such as culture, timing, dose, gender, what definition of spanking is used, etc. Local skirmishes about this will continue.
I was spanked by my parents a handful of times and, particularly as I grew older, on those rare occasions I thought I deserved it. In general my parents believed that striking a child, whatever you called it, at the very best served to extinguish an immediate behavior and did nothing to inculcate the preferred behavior. More frequently the methods of discipline they used were ostracization (which suited me fine after about age 12) or serious talks expressing hurt and disappointment.
My wife tells me that her parents didn’t spank her, not for lack of occasion or inclination but because she bruised so easily.
I gather that my parents were exceptional relative to their peers but I have little basis for knowing the norm. I suspect it varies by region, ethnic background, and family culture. Is Dr. Shpancer’s anecdote typical or merely typical for the students at Otterbein University?
Spare the rod, spoil the child. At least in my community growing up, it was very much the norm. There was sometimes almost a perverse kind of competition among some of the parents to prove who was most willing to beat their kids the most in order to keep them on the straight and narrow. Most parents just used their hands, but in this group belts, willow switches, true paddles (often with holes drilled in them), etc were deemed superior.
Steve
I don’t know if it was the norm in the communities in which I lived as a child but it certainly wasn’t the norm in my family. If either of my parents was ever struck by one of their parents as a child, they never mentioned it. I suspect it was very rare if ever.
Spanking is highly situational. I think the author’s conclusions are probably correct for spanking in a lot of cases, but I think in some cases it is necessary and justified. However, it should be rare.
I got spanked as a child as did just about all the other kids we knew. It wasn’t often and it was reserved for times when I think it was deserved.
There is also violence between siblings. I still remember one time when I was about 9 – I told my older brother to f’ off. That was the last time I did that.
I received a handful of spankings over about 10 years. At a rate of about 1 every 2 years, I needed a reminder, and I consider them ‘booster spankings’. I have no doubt that they were beneficial. If there was a redline, I would test it.
I am sure that Dr. Shpancer could have devised a schedule that would have diverted my attention most of the time, but testing was (is?) one of my favorite pastimes. At some point, my attention would have focused upon Dr. Shpancer. I would have tested his limits, and most likely, a spanking would have been the result.
I was spanked some, but don’t remember the details. Somewhere along the line I sawed the paddle in half and ended the tyranny. I don’t even remember that last event, but my younger siblings do. We’ve never spanked our kids.
Wow! Much less that what we saw. I don’t think there was ever more than 2 or 3 days that went by w/o a spanking. Just the hand about half the time. The belt or whatever was handy at least once a week. It was expected that it would hurt enough to leave marks and that you have trouble sitting for a while. Corporal punishment was also common at school, though much less often than at home. If you got corporal punishment at school, it was worse when you got home. The frequency did decrease as you went along. For example, in first grade you might get spanked just for having a bad grade on a test. By junior high you had to be late to class, talk back to a teacher or get in a fight. Don’t remember any in high school. (I can tell none of you experienced the joys of a strict, conservative, evangelical upbringing.)
Steve
If we crossed one of my mother’s redlines, she was apt to throw something at you, or within arm’s reach, she would whack you. Talking back to an adult and embarrassing her in public were two biggies.
In my mid to late 40’s, I made a smart aleck remark next to my mother, and she whacked me upside the head as hard as she could. My wife was shocked, but I am not sure if it was my mother’s whack, my nonchalance, or both that took her by surprise.
The nuns at my grammar school were Dominicans, but they were a New Orleans sect. Corporeal punishment was always an option, but it was rarely (if ever) used. The Irish that replaced them were not quite as relaxed, and they had a ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ attitude.
In New Orleans, the Catholics seem to be a little more ‘chilled’.
I was struck by exactly one teacher—an elderly nun who was quite cruel. She was my first grade teacher and the primary reason I didn’t learn to read at all in first grade but taught myself afterwards.
I was gone by the time the Irish nuns showed up, but my sisters were not overly fond of them. I am not sure why, but one of my sister’s friend still hates the principle (head nun).