It Ain’t Beanbag

In the late 19th/early 20th century journalist Finley Peter Dunne, writing in the voice of his fictitious character Mr. Dooley, gave politics many of its most famous aphormisms. Mr. Dooley’s wisdom can be difficult to read nowadays—Dunne wrote in a broad and made up Irish dialect. Here’s an example of one of his most famous, widely used and misunderstood by journalists, observations:

Th’ newspaper does ivrything f’r us. It runs th’ polis foorce an’ th’ banks, commands th’ milishy, controls th’ ligislachure, baptizes th’ young, marries th’ foolish, comforts th’ afflicted, afflicts th’ comfortable, buries th’ dead an’ roasts thim aftherward. They ain’t annything it don’t turn its hand to fr’m explainin’ th’ docthrine iv thransubstantiation to composin’ saleratus biskit. Ye can get anny kind iv information ye want to in ye’er fav’rite newspaper about ye’ersilf or annywan else. What th’ Czar whispered to th’ Imp’ror Willum whin they were alone, how to make a silk hat out iv a wire matthress, how to settle th’ coal sthrike, who to marry, how to get on with ye’er wife whin ye’re married, what to feed th’ babies, what doctor to call whin ye’ve fed thim as directed—all iv that ye’ll find in th’ pa-apers.

The emphasis is mine. Despite the writing style being obsolete, somehow Mr. Dooley’s wisdom never seems obsolete. One of his truest and most famous remarks was “Politics ain’t beanbag” meaning that it is not a child’s game but played rough and played for keeps.

That’s what’s occurred to me when I read Karl Rove’s complaints in the Wall Street Journal about Democrats interfering in Republican primaries. It caught my eye because of his taking note of the Illinois race for Republican nominee for governor. In the run-up to the primary we are presently being deluged with political advertising either for or against Richard Irvin, present mayor of Aurora, or Darren Bailey, a downstate state senator. To my eye the overwhelming preponderance of anti-Irvin and pro-Bailey spots are sponsored by Democrats, either J. B. Pritzker or the Democratic Governor’s Association. The basic concept is

1. Run ads in favor of the most radical Republican candidate
2. Run ads against the Republican candidate most likely to be a difficult opponent in the general election
3. When the radical candidate (whose campaign you financed) wins the primary, run ads against Republican extremism in the general election.

Here are some of Mr. Rove’s comments:

Democrats are betting the same tactic will deny University of Colorado Regent Heidi Ganahl the GOP gubernatorial nomination. The only statewide elected Republican—she won in 2016 when Mr. Trump lost Colorado—Ms. Ganahl faces former Parker Mayor Greg Lopez in the primary, whom she’s outraised 8 to 1. Yet another Democrat-backed ad blitz—funneled through a political action committee bankrolled by another PAC that’s backed with $1.5 million from the DGA—is attacking Mr. Lopez’s opposition to abortion and gay marriage, calling him—drum roll, please—“too conservative for Colorado.”

These ploys don’t always work. Democrat interference in earlier Republican contests had mixed results. Sheriff Joe Lombardo of Clark County, Nev., won Tuesday’s gubernatorial primary despite the DGA’s spending $2.1 million portraying him as soft on crime. In California’s June 7 primaries Democrats tried to boost extremist challengers to GOP Reps. Young Kim and David Valadao, both of whom still made it to the November ballot.

But Democrats did help controversial Pennsylvania state Sen. Doug Mastriano win the GOP gubernatorial nomination. The Democratic nominee, Attorney General Josh Shapiro, ran ads saying, “If Mastriano wins, it’s a win for what Donald Trump stands for.” Pundits downgraded Republicans’ chances of a pickup after Mr. Mastriano’s victory.

The inventor of this strategy is former Sen. Claire McCaskill (D., Mo.), who effectively deployed it in 2012. During the primaries, she spent $1.7 million attacking her weakest Republican opponent, Rep. Todd Akin, as “too conservative.” He was wiped out in November, even though Missouri is a red state.

Ms. McCaskill boasts that she “successfully manipulated” the GOP primary to get the opponent she “was most likely to beat.” That tactic often works, but at the cost of pushing America’s political parties to their extremes and weakening general-election competition. Still, when the opposition meddles in primaries, it’s up to voters to stop themselves from being played for suckers. Republicans shouldn’t vote in ways that make Democrats jump for joy.

If you’re wondering how our politics became as screwed up as it is, this strategy should be Exhibit A and Mr. Rove’s response, “strategic voting”, should be Exhibit B. I don’t know that I’ll be able to vote for any candidate in the general election in good conscience.

Oh, for a modern Mr. Dooley! The closest we have is Titania McGrath. Stephen Colbert began as something of the sort but he’s too sardonic.