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As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ’em flat—
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that—
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist—
They’d none of ’em be missed—they’d none of ’em be missed!CHORUS. He’s got ’em on the list—he’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed—they’ll none of
’em be missed.There’s the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist—I’ve got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed—they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who “doesn’t think she waltzes, but would rather like to
try”;
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist—
I don’t think she’d be missed—I’m sure she’d not he missed!CHORUS. He’s got her on the list—he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed—I’m sure
she’ll not be missed!And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist—I’ve got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life—
They’d none of ’em be missed—they’d none of ’em be missed.
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as—What d’ye call him—Thing’em-bob, and
likewise—Never-mind,
And ‘St—’st—’st—and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-who—
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of ’em be missed–they’d none of ’em be
missed!CHORUS. You may put ’em on the list—you may put ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed—they’ll none of
’em be missed!W. S. Gilbert
with
On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod’s law dictates he’ll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr – where are you now that we need you?
Charles Brooker from The Guardian
The Guardian later issued an apology and told us it was all in good fun. T’aint funny, McGee.
