Death by PowerPoint Presentation

When I read the article on how the military would kill Godzilla at War Is Boring my first thoughts were that they would bore him to death with PowerPoint presentations or put him on a waiting list for a procedure at a VA hospital.

Actually, they’d blind him with white phosphorus and then hit him with a bunker-buster. The article correctly takes note of the hazmat problem afterwards, a topic neglected in most movies (Pacific Rim is an exception to that).

7 comments… add one
  • PD Shaw

    When Godzilla was forced by the U.S. government to enroll in a qualifying healthcare plan on the federal exchanges, he wondered why King Kong was given a reprieve. Racism? Species-ism? Unknown to Godzilla, King Kong had taken advise from Tarzan twenty years ago and incorporated. Is this what happened to the last of the dinosaurs, he wondered?

  • sam

    King Kong was golden from the jump (yes). His adversaries, us humans, were manifestly stupid. What other explanation is there for the King Kong-sized door in the wall?

    As for Godzilla, for Christ’s sake, just shoot him in the goddamned knees or feet with a stand-off weapon. None of that Willy Peter nonsense.

    Those scenarios at War is Boring remind me of something I read about the Apollo missions. It seems NASA spent a ton of money trying to develop an electric shaver that would hoover up the shaved whiskers. Don’t want those things floating around the space craft. Nothing they could come up with seemed to work. Then someone pointed out that shaving cream would trap the whiskers…

  • ...

    I don’t even need to see where the link on dinosaur extinction goes.

    But I don’t think the military plan is likely to work. Various versions of Godzilla have done everything from survive heavy artillery barrages to eating whole tank divisions to surviving alien plasma weapons to besting King Ghidorah. The new version survived the Castle Bravo ‘test’, among many other hydrogen bomb explosions. A bunker buster ain’t gonna cut it.

    The best bet is power point, or forcing him to watch either the 1998 film or a YouTube compilation of the ten dumbest things ever in a Godzilla movie. H-bombs won’t kill him, but boredom or embarrassment might prove terminal even to the King of Monsters.

    (I’ll supply a link to the YouTube compilation later.)

  • ...

    Sam, I hadn’t heard that bit about the Apollo program before. But surely they must have thought of that for the Gemini missions, some of which were quite long.

  • ...

    I haven’t seen all the Godzilla movies, but the only successful weapons I remember were either the creations of mad scientists that made the scientist suicidal with grief over what he had created, or black holes(!). Bunker busters just ain’t gonna cut it.

  • steve

    He has survived everything they have thrown at him. Only Godzilla can kill Godzilla, so suicide is the answer. Train him as a marine engineer or doctor, then send him to Greenland or Lithuania. Finally, make him read internet comments sections. That should push him over the edge. On second thought, that could make him homicidal.


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